A Boy Named Sue
by Kara B
Summary: He's a mite gun crazy


Title: A Boy Named Sue 1/?

Author: KaraB

Fandom: Firefly

Rating: PG-13

Summary: See Title.

Warnings: Just for the basic series. None for Serenity.

Author's Note: Inspired by a plotline my brother [krakin13 suggested.

--

"Wash, go help Zoe and Jayne unload the cargo. There's work to be done and money to be made in this shipment and we can't let it sit around. Our buyers will be here anytime and I'd like to hang around as short a time as possible," the Captain ordered as he passed through the bridge of the ship.

"After this we might actually be able to breathe," Wash agreed, standing and moving toward the cargo hold, where the others were already busily unpacking the cargo.

"I'll be able to get me a new gun. Maybe even better'n Vera, if that's possible," Jayne said aloud, grunting as he hefted another crate.

"You only think about two things don't you?" Wash shot back, going for a crate of his own. "And those with a one track mind."

"There's only two things that matter in this life little man. I figures you might as well get as much of them as you can. Our kind of life don't last long."

Wash shrugged. "Silly me and here I was happy with just the most beautiful, wonderful wife in the world and no guns."

"Enough with the chit chat," Mal sniped as he came through. "Not when there's work to be done."

"The Captain's in a bit of a snit," Jayne observed.

"Oh really, tell me something I don't know."

"The human head weighs an average of eight pounds. Must allow for variances in race, sex and tissue depth to calculate individual weight," River input randomly.

"See! There's something I didn't know," Wash added. "Morbid as hell, maybe, but something I wouldn't have been able to tell from the Captain's mood."

"Capn's been a mite skittish since we decided to take on some folk as passengers. He hasn't cared much for passengers ever," Zoe added. "And given the last bunch of passengers became crew, he's not wanting any more crew either. Let's just get the job done and move on."

"You almost done there?" Mal asked again as he came back by.

"Calm down sir," Zoe replied. "Cargo's prepped and ready and passengers ain't going to be a problem this time."

"So you say. Out here the passengers ain't the most reputable sort."

"And we are?" Jayne asked curiously. "I'd hate to be known as a reputable sort. It would tarnish my bad name."

"There's no danger of that happening." Simon did his best to keep a straight face as he said it.

Mal ignored the lot and turned to Kaylee. "What's say you go about findin' us some good folk lil'Kaylee?" he asked.

In turn and in classic Kaylee style, she smiled brightly, "Shiny cap'n."

--

To Mal's surprise and probably to most of the crew's as well, the job went smoothly. He returned to the ship to find that a few of the settlers on the planet had decided they wanted to return to Persephone to visit kinfolk. Though the fares were relatively small, the money could always help and the food that most brought as part of the fare would feed his crew a few days.

"We almost done?" Mal asked, hugging Kaylee as he walked over to watch a pile of crates being loaded up.

"I think that's it."

"Naw, I got me a few more. These 'ere are my best." The voice Mal was certain he'd never heard before and yet it sounded familiar anyhow. "Be careful with them crates. Gorram space pirates. Don't know a thing about real hardware."

Mal gave Kaylee a look. "Excuse me, I'm Malcolm Reynolds, the captain of this boat."

The man turned around. "Nice to meet you Captain Reynolds. We're almost done loading up my things and you can be about yer business."

"And your name is?"

"Oh sorry. The name's Cobb. Sue Cobb."

Mal looked at Kaylee questioningly. She caught the look. "I never got round to his name Captain."

"Do you by chance know a Jayne Cobb?" Mal asked the man carefully.

"Of course I know 'im! He's my brother."

Just at that moment, Jayne walked into the cargo bay, immediately pulling his sidearm. "What in the ruttin' end of space is that piece of gosa doing here?"

"Well nice to see you too 'bro'?"

"Cap'n, we don't want him on the boat. He's more than a mite gun crazy."

"Oh, he's the crazy one in the family?" Mal asked, sarcasm in his voice. He found himself resisting the urge to raise his hands in the classic surrender gesture given how many guns were unholstered and at the ready.

"My guess would've been the parents… or at least their father," Simon input helpfully, earning a glare from Mal.

"Sue is a girl's name. Like Jayne," River added. "Parents hoped for girls. Got boys instead… boys that were too small, too little. Wanted tough boys so they gave them girls names so they would be teased and fight back. Tough boys with soft hearts."

Everyone paused for a long moment to stare at River, who looked completely unperturbed by the presence of all the guns.

"Who's she?" Sue asked with a nod.

"Pay her no mind," Jayne replied, "She's a mite out of her skull."

Mal jumped in and took charge of the situation. "I suggest everyone holster their weapons. I'm not going to have this on my boat. We're bound for Persephone and I have little patience with this sort of behavior. Jayne, back to your duties." To Mal, that was the end of the conversation with Jayne. But it took Jayne a moment to obey. As soon as he was gone he turned to Jayne's brother. "Passengers are restricted to the mess and the passenger dorms. I expect no trouble."


End file.
